i was thinking today, about growing--not physically, but emotionally. i was trying to pinpoint the phases in my life that i have grown the most and what caused the growth. i realized, not surprisingly, that it was times of struggle. it was when my heart was broken, it was when people were making hard choices that were outside of my control and yet still had an impact on me, it was when i was in a new and hard place without the people i was used to leaning on, and while all of those times were a struggle, some uncomfortable, some down right anguishing they were also the times i look back at and feel a sense of pride, because i became a little bit more of who i am--and while i still have a lot more to learn, improve, and change about myself, those stuggles helped me.
i've been feeling dull lately, as i mentioned before, and i think it's because life is so easy.
i feel ungrateful for saying such a thing, but it's the truth.
we have enough for everything we need. we live in the place we grew up in, so it's safe, and known, and...unexciting. we're surrounded with family, so we have no incentive to go outside ourselves and help or rely on others. and while i know that's mostly our own fault--we can grow and develop and serve in all places and situations, i'm/we're generally the kind of people that need a little push.
and so here i am, tucked safely in the forest, and like a crazy person, asking to be put out on the cliff.
i need a challenge--
i'd prefer it to be nothing too extreme, but then again, i've been there and done that, and i've survived, so i know i can again. i guess i'll take whatever i need to become better.
i'm sure i sound crazy for writing such an idea, but maybe i'm not the only one who feels this way.
and even if i am--i am me, and these are my feelings.