Cold-Hearted Woman

Poppy got her 3rd round of shots today and she's been super snuggly because of it. 

She won't let me put her down at all--and when she's being this sweet, i don't really want to. 

I feel like i've learned so much from this little deer. 

i'm going to admit something that is probably going to sound really coldhearted, but for the past few years of my life i didn't know if i was going love being a mom, or even like it for that matter. and i was more than certain i wasn't going to have that  

 'i can't stand to be away from my child' 'i have to capture every moment' feeling for my babies.
When mothers talked about it, i thought it was great that they felt that way, but i couldn't comprend it happening to me.

here comes another kicker:

i've never been a baby person. 

i grew up with my two best girl friends being obsessed with babies. we would go to the mall in jr. high and high school and they wanted to go into baby gap to look at the tiny clothes.
i, on the other hand, wanted to go to forever21. 
someone close to them would have a baby and all they could think about was meeting it, and holding it and babysitting it.
i was good after one hold. 

being the very youngest of 8 children i grew up with tons of nieces and nephews. i was always the favorite aunt and i loved them. i love toddlers and i get along with older kids easily.
but babies--that's another story. 
all they do is lay there, and cry, and poop, and demand to be held and for what seems like too long in my book, they can't even smile or make eye-contact.
i crave my own time and time with marcus and the thought of having someone who literally needs me every moment, frankly, freaks me out.

But i also didn't want a dog. i had them growing up and they were adorable and sweet and they made me laugh, but i can not say i was a dog person. for along with their cuteness, comes their stink and shed and special ability to go to the bathroom in places they shouldn't--i knew they were a lot of work. 

marcus wanted one so bad and i felt bad, but there was no way i was allowing one in our house--because i knew, like my mom once knew with me, that i would be the one home with it all day, and i would in turn be the one who took care of it.

so, when one spontaneous labor day this year we found ourselves driving out to phoenix to look at puppies, i was surely off my game. and when after only 2 hours of contemplation we came home with a dog in our arms, i must have been slipped a drug...but since that moment, i have been utterly in love with this thing.

after a couple weeks of having her, i told ashley i would like to volunteer with the shine project, i had to leave her for 4 hours and i almost had a panic attack on the drive there.
i thought my heart might actually break.
and i had to set up her own instagram account because i knew if i didn't my entire feed would be taken up by every move she made. each move cuter than the last.

while i still feel i like i'm not ready to take the baby plunge, poppy reh has given me hope that when the time comes, i will become the doting mother i want to be. because even i, the coldhearted one, know that humans are probably even more special than puppies.
(but don't tell poppy i said so)

outfit details:

white v-neck//american apparel

army green trench//c.o. oasap

gold necklaces//nordstrom and stella&dot

skinnies//downeast

cain flats//c.o. blowfish shoes

beach wave//tutorial here

More Urban Outfitters...