10.21.2011

All from a set of keys...

Yesterday I was laying in bed half way asleep when I was rudely awoken by an extremely loud text chime. With my eyes half way closed I groped around to find my phone. As my eyes slowly peeled open I read the words, "You don't have work today, do you?" It was from Marcus and suddenly I felt panic inside. Why was he asking this? Had he seen my schedule and wondered why I didn't wake up with him, like I do on days I work? 
I quickly reassured myself that I, in fact, did not have work and that is why I had stayed up late last night meticulously scheduling out all the errands I needed to accomplish the next day while he was at work. That is why the last thing I said to Marcus before going to bed was, "Since your parents are out of town, I need you to take your dad's truck so I have a car tomorrow. Otherwise I need to take you to work."

So why then was Marcus texting me this "You don't have work today, do you?" business anyway?
I told him I didn't have work, but I had an appointment and a bunch of important errands. 
Then I asked him "Why?"
"Crap! Uh...well, I took my dad's truck, but I accidentally took our car keys too and I'm working in Sun City today..." The fact that he felt dumb was apparent.
Sun City is an hour away and I was now stranded at home with an undrivable car, an appointment to get to in less than an hour, and countless errands I was looking forward to getting done. 
To say the least I was slightly (very) annoyed. 
My first responses were laced with evidence of that slight annoyance, but as I sat there trying to figure out what could be done, I was about to send another text that would have made it clear that I wasn't slightly annoyed, but rather very, and this time it was more of a personal attack than a situation attack. 
I caught myself before it was completely typed out. 
I thought of the consequences of this text; 
It would accomplish the following things:
1. Allow me to vent, once again, of my already obvious annoyance.
2. Make Marcus feel guilty.
3. Make Marcus feel even more stupid than he clearly already felt.
It would not accomplish the following things:
1. Teleport the keys from his pocket in Sun City to my hand in Mesa.
2. Get me to my fast approaching appointment.
3. Make Marcus and my relationship stronger and happier.

Seeing as that text was going to do absolutely no good, and in fact quite a bit of harm, I erased it. 
I got up, washed my face, came up with a plan and sent Marcus a text that said not to worry and that I'd try and figure something else out. 
He apologized one more time, and then I called my mom. 
She said she could come and get me and let me borrow a car for the morning. 
I got to my appointment just in time and got most of my errands taken care of. 
When Marcus got home that night, he had had an awful day full of unfortunate occurrences, but he was so glad to come home to a wife that he had loving feelings toward, instead of one who had been rude and hurtful. I was so grateful that I took the time to think before I acted. 
I hope that both of us can remember this throughout our marriage and while raising our children. Blaming people for unintentional mistakes and attacks on someone's character will never bring peace into a home. Problems can of course be discussed and annoyances can be addressed, but we must remember to do it gently and thoughtfully.
And we must always remember to not bring two sets of keys to work.

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30 comments:

  1. i wish i could tell you how perfectly timed this post was. i really struggle with letting things go when they don't go my way, and that includes snapping at my husband when he does something little, or something unintentionally, that upsets me.
    kudos. thanks for writing this.
    i posted something similarly humble on my blog this morning, http://newsilverlining.blogspot.com

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  2. Oh my goodness.  This post is perfect.  I know what I would have done in that situation (because a similar one has happened in the past), and I know it would not have been as well thought out or mature.  

    You are such a little gem.  Thanks for posting this!

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  3. Thank you for sharing. I am to apt to try and get even or retaliate and It is so important to put things in perspective. Thank you for this reminder. I sure needed it.

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  4. i like this post. i should remember it when i get overly annoyed with people (which is, let's be honest, daily).

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  5. This is so cute :) And such a good thing to remember, thank you!

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  6. love this! thanks for the reminder!

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  7. This is so very true. I try to catch myself when I'm about to overreact or blow up. It might feel good for a split second to vent but it will leave a longer, negative impression on your day and relationship.

    -Arielle
    humblepievintage.com

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  8. I have been reading for a while :) you're a good girl. And a wise one too 

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  9. Ahh, this is (nearly) similar to when I came back home for fall break yesterday. I caught myself so many times about to say (or having already said) something that was hurtful/condescending to my family. Thanks for the reminder that being negative to everyone around myself will not help me study for my fast approaching test and will not foster a good relationship with them!

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  10. That is such a sweet story. I can't wait to be married and to treat my husband with the same love and respect you treat Marcus.

    xo
    rachelsayumi.blogspot.com

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  11. oh, i love this ashley! it's so great that you write things like this down, your kids and grandkids will remember you for these little things!

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  12. What a simple post! It's so easy to say something hurtful, but it makes the situation even worse. I have to keep this post in mind! x

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  13. Thanks for that. I really need to remember that more often with my husband. You are a smart lady:)

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  14. This is exactly what I needed to hear today.  I try to do this very thing but there are times that I don't and I get into a funk that is hard to break out of.  Things like this help me out of my funk to help me see what is truly important, my husband and how he feels.  Thank you Ashley for being awesome and inspiring!

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  15. The very same thing happened to me before. Good for you for your self-control.  I'm sure Marcus was very grateful for your good attitude.

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  16. I SERIOUSLY just said a prayer of thanks to Heavenly Father for sending Ashley Bagley Nielson to be my brother's wife. Marcus has his faults, as we all do, but I'm so grateful that you recognize his good qualities and what a great guy you married because we all know that he married a great girl. Now excuse me while I get pregnant self a tissue! XOXO

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  17. This is a great reminder - thanks for this post!

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  18. this has happened to me too, except my husband did have to work that day. i just so happened to have all sets of car keys in my purse and had gotten to work when he called me and asked me if i left him any keys. i felt so guilty and extremely stupid but he was incredibly nice about it, even though he was late for work because of me. thanks for the great reminder! 

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  19. Good for you for stopping to recognize the possible outcomes of the text. Anger makes it so hard to be rational that I think it's quite an achievement when we're able to master our feelings enough to make a good decision in the midst of frustration. Awesome job keeping the perspective!

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  20. Beautifully said. Thanks for sharing that and setting such a good example to all of your readers :) your blog is so cute and uplifting.

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  21. Such a wonderful and beautiful post!!

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  22. You're a good person Ashley! I might not have been so angelic! :) Thanks for your example, I'll have to remember this next time I get annoyed!

    www.alexislaughs.blogspot.com

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  23. We all could learn a little something from this post... thanks for sharing! You and your hubby are wonderfully adorable!

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  24. This is so true and something we can all learn from. How many marriages would be happier and stay together if we didn't let the little things get to us so much?

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  25. I love this. I try to do that in my marriage as well. But sometimes I forget and let my annoyances take over my rational thinking and I can definitely tell the difference in my marriage then. Thank you for the wonderful reminder.

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  26. i like this, girl. thanks for the reminder to be loving and patient.

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  27. what a great reminder to always think before you act! i needed to hear this today! thanks!

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  28. what a great reminder to always think before you act! i needed to hear this today! thanks!

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  29. This was JUST what I needed. I have been kind of "short" with my husband lately and I always feel so guilty after I snap at him for something. I am going to do better and think before I react. Thanks for the reminder!

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