I'm curious as to what you all think.
Here it is:
"If you could hear the top 10 nicest things anyone had ever said about you (not to your face, so these would be new things, you've never heard before), but along with them, you would also have to hear the top 3 meanest things anyone had ever said about you, would you do it?
My first answer was absolutely yes.
Secondhand compliments are probably my favorite things in the world.
It's like you know they're sincere if someone decided to say something nice about you to someone else--knowing you'd probably never find out.
And, as for the 3 mean things, well, I feel like I don't care enough about what other people think about me, to worry too much about those.
But the more I thought about it, the harder the question was for me to answer...
Earlier this month, a sort of distant family member accused me of something that I was totally and completely shocked by.
As hard as I tried to forget about it and realize there was nothing I could do about, I couldn't.
Whenever it was quiet and my mind had time to think, I was thinking about that conversation. I even had three full on nightmares about the conversation. A conversation that shouldn't have affected me so much. It really was silly--but the effects were real, none the less.
That's what jumped into my mind when I rethought my answer to my sisters question.
What if I thought I wouldn't care, and then those 3 things haunted me for months or even years?
Could the nice things counteract the mean?
I still don't know; what do you think?
22 comments
I wouldn't like to thear those three things because they will haunt me FOREVER, as you say. I tend to think way too much, specially those things that have a negative effect on my life or personality, and even if the person who said them is not important to me, i do care about the impression i give others.
I couldn't do it. There's a chance that the bad things would hurt too much to outweigh the good and I could potentially be scarred forever. What if it were someone I dearly love, but in the heat of an argument? I don't know. I say no.
I wouldn't do it. I think people generally dwell on the bad stuff about themselves, and let it affect them more than they should. I definitely do, so even if the 10 things were really great, I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about the 3 bad things.
i don't think i could do it. yes 10 nice things about be would be a nice boost to my self-confidence, but it would probably be shattered only minutes later after hearing those 3 mean ones. i probably wouldn't even remember those nice things, since i would be focusing on those bad ones :/
Wow, that is a good question. I really don't know. I guess one part of me would be so curious to know, not only the good things, but the bad things as well. What are they? At the same time, I'm easily hurt and comments like that haunt me for a long time. Right now I lean towards hearing it all. Maybe that's stupid - even destructive - of me.
Wow, this is a difficult question... I'm not sure what I would do, because as you and the other comments said, I'd probably be thinking too much about those mean comments, that I'm not sure they will counteract the nice ones.
yes, i totally would! but again, like you said, what if i thought i wouldn't care, and then they were nasty horrible things?
I wouldn't go there.I would definitely keep replaying the 3 things over and over again. I don't think it'd be worth the pain.
No way! I'd rather have to imagine the nice things people might say than have proof of the bad things.
That's so hard. I'd have to say yes but for a strange reason. I think that most of the time when people don't like something about someone that person never knows about it. Even though it'd be a really tough pill to swallow I think I'd want to know so hopefully I wouldn't be doing this same thing over again in ignorance. Just give me the compliments last so I don't feel so poopy:)
Wearing It On My Sleeves
That is a toughy. I'm going to say yes because I feel like you'll find out those mean things sooner or later (because people who spread rumors like that aren't very smart with who they spread them to). I had the same thing happen with a relative. OOOoh it made me so mad and hurt, but I was kind of thankful that people told me because I was able to tell my husband who then confronted that family member. haha YES!
You are cute. I like your blog.
xo
rachelsayumi.blogspot.com
That's a tough question indeed. Somehow it's often easier to believe the bad things than the good things.
I think I'd say yes though. Because sometimes I think people don't say bad things so as to not hurt your feelings but it might be good for your personal growing process to hear them and know they're truthful.
Hmmm... this is definitely not as easy to answer as I thought it would be. Of course, I would love to hear the kind things people say about me, but the 3 worst things... that is a different story. I am with you, I don't usually let other peoples words hold much weight but it is always in the back of my mind. I would be preoccupied with fixing it. I would want to find out who said the mean things and go to them and work it out so they didn't think, say, accuse me of being something I am not or even worse, something I am and know I need to really work on. Sometimes the truth is a double edged sword! I would have to say, as intriguing as it would be to hear the wonderful things, the reprocussions would probably weigh to heavy on me hearing the bad things... so I would skip the 3 for 10 deal!
My thought is that sometimes we don't see ourselves perfectly well. Sure mean things people say might not be 100% accurate or true either, but sometimes it can be a good cheques and balance to hear something mean - if only to really take a hard look at ourselves and see if a change really is in order and we hadn't noticed it because of our pride. I 100% would want to know the three mean things. Would I obsess about them? Absolutely. But if I never know that I'm doing something or people see me in a certain way, how can I change it, if it truly needs to be changed?
Probably not. I got a lengthy, harsh comment a few months ago and it cut me to the core. I don't think I could handle it. It hurt.
Often when people say something bad about someone else, they are really saying that about themselves. I think it's really easy to throw out negative comments because they stem from jealousy or envy. What I like to do when I can't get a negative comment out of my head, is to think a few nice things about mr./ms. negative. I am not really sure if I'd want to hear the 3 worst things that have ever been said about me, but truthfully I've probably said them to myself at one point anyway. But what would I do with the knowledge of the 10 best things ever said about me? I think I'd rather be reminded of the 10 best things I've said about someone else.
I say yes. I would want to know. For me, life's to short to care too much about the negative things people say. Of course initially it does bother me and/or upset me, but I always eventually get over it. The meanest thing that I know of that was said about me...well mostly it was about my unborn son. My cousins wife saying that my son would be better off dying because of the complications he was going to be born with. After something like that, nothing really phases me too much.
Personally, I have anxiety with citisicm. I don't think I could handle it. I have such a hard time even dealing with the occasional mean things people say to my face! The 10 nice things would be delightful, but I think for me personally the negative would overshadow the positive. Which is sad! I wish I could fix that.
That is a difficult question. I think I care too much about what other people say or think about me. I'm so ridiculous that I'm paranoid if people are whispering near me, that it's about me. Whenever my parents would be in their room talking with the door closed, I was scared it was about me (not that they would've said anything bad). So I might say no. Just to not have to be affected.
Then again, if they 10 nice things were super nice, they might cancel out the mean things.
my first reaction is to say no. many many years ago, i ended a relationship with someone and that person began to say the meanest things about me, to me. i truly was haunted by his baseless accusations and insults for many years. it hasn't been until the last year that we've reconciled and he apologized for the things he said to me. i was bewildered and extremely hurt by him, even though i knew the things he was saying were nothing more than his reaction to having been dumped. the anger and sadness that surrounded my memories of him were difficult to shed, and even today, when i consider him to be a friend, i find myself dwelling on those feelings.however, in those many years between then and now, i've grown a thicker skin. i've learned that people can and will say things just because they know that they'll get a reaction from you. i've learned how to shrug off insults that i know don't apply to who i really am and i've learned that my true friends will stand up for me if they hear those mean things turn into rumors. i've learned that if you don't give the offending person the power to hurt you, they can say whatever they want with few results. instead of becoming more hurt or more angry when the insult becomes more far-fetched, i have become quicker at shrugging the insult off my back and moving on.even with that said, i don't think i would change my answer. i don't feel like i need to hear every nice thing that has ever been said about me. just like how someone doesn't want to or need to hear every bad thing that has been said about them, some of the nice things are better left unheard. it's always uplifting to get a compliment, but they should be given first-hand. i would never request that a mentor allow me to read their recommendation letters about me because i would rather them tell me first-hand what they like about me. it's much more personal that way, and so that is how i prefer it.
i think i could handle the 3 mean things (because i feel like i am my own harshest critic anyway) unless they were from a close friend or family member...i don't think i could handle that at all.
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