|This is what I wear when I drive into town in order to prevent dreadlocks from developing.|
I did not argue.
So, Saturday I was doing what I do best, making a meal plan and trying to figure out how we could best afford to stay alive. My plans were pleasantly interrupted by a moose appearance. After we took a few picture and squealed some enthusiastic squeals, the moose made his way back into the forest.
I was on cloud nine about this moose interaction. All day Sunday, while I should have been thinking about spiritual things, I daydreamed about that humongous moose and wondered where he was now. In an effort to give my mind some rest I decided to write a note:
Dear Moose Inourbackyard,
Yesterday I was in the middle of a very important conversation with my husband, Marcus, about finances and budgets, and what I was making for dinner. When I looked up from my carefully calculated spread sheet at Marcus’s awestricken face, I was concerned that he was not listening to anything I had to say. My concerns were affirmed when the next words from his mouth were, “OH Kaaay!* There’s a moose in our backyard!” It was true! I was a second witness. You were in fact, taking a drink from our creek. We ran outside to take pictures of you and bask in your gigantic splendor. We were so ticked to have you visit, but here’s the thing, and please do not take offense, but I think we got you from your bad side and if I know moose like I think I do**, this is not how you want the Blogging World to know you. So, kindly come back sometime before it snows and I will offer you a complimentary photo shoot and I’ll even throw in tea and crumpets if you’re nice. But please, try to come at a time when I’m not discussing matters of importance.
I'll Be Expecting You,
Ashley*Marcus says “okay” like the Phoenix Suns Head Coach, Alvin Gentry--because it makes me laugh every time.
*I do not know moose at all, for this is the first time I’ve ever seen one, but the phrase “If I know <insert perons/thing you‘re trying to persuade here> like I think I do” always seems to be very convincing within human interactions, so I decided to give it a shot on the moose population.
Well, he got my note and you know what else? He decided to make it a family photo. When we pulled up to our house on Tuesday we not only saw Mr. Moose Inourbackyard, but also Mrs. Inourbackyard and Teenage Moosey all drinking from our creek! Like husbands sometimes do, Mr. Moose forgot to tell the family that I had offered them tea, so they’re coming back next week when their bellies aren‘t so full.
There I was happy as a lark, (unlike the lark that flew into our closed window this morning--but he lived, so don’t cry) when I get a call from my mother. We chit-chat about Halloween costumes and sewing machines and then she tells me that dad is in the hospital because he’s been having chest pain.
Later that night I get an email from my brother telling the family that he has Aggressive Heart Disease, is in great danger of having a heart attack, and will be getting open heart surgery within the next two days.
That really put a damper on things. So I cried into my cinnamon bread dough and I think it did something to the yeast, because the center was all sunk in.
Later that night Marcus was driving home from work around 11:30pm and he “failed to come to a complete stop at the 4-way” just as a cop was approaching. So you guessed it, he got a ticket. (Good thing he worked this week.)He was not very happy when he got home.
The next day we walked back to the car after studying and the driver-side window was down. We looked at each other and simultaneously asked, “Did we roll down the window?” After coming to a consensus that we most certainly did not leave the window down, we turned on the car and attempted to roll it up. It gurgled at us, but stayed in its downward position. Great.
Apparently this happens, because after venting about it on Facebook, my good friend Busy Bee Lauren shared this story:
“Oh my gosh! Okay, funny story. When I first bought my car the next week the window collapsed. I was ticked. I think it cost like $200 dollars to fix the motor on that particular window. Over the past two years, one by one, the windows have collapsed. This week my 4th and final one collapsed. And we had a rainstorm. In Arizona. Okay…so it’s not a funny story.”