I believe I've mentioned this before--but I have serious issues with anyone having control over my time other than me--that is why I put in my two weeks at my day job last month. In theory, I had a rather cushy job--I usually only had to go into the office once a week and the rest of the time I could work from home, but that ended up being less ideal than it might sound--I'd get emails I had to attend to at 7 at night or I'd have a work-free day planned, but something would come through the email chain that would foil my plans. And the amount of time I was spending on the computer was truly driving me mad--so since I wasn't happy, I decided to make a change.
It took me a while to work up the courage--every Sunday Marcus would ask me, "So, are you gonna do it?" and every Sunday I would say, "I think so, I'm not sure." and then every Monday I would come home and tell him I didn't do it--there was another project I knew they needed me for, so as soon as this one was done--I'd do it...But of course those projects just kept coming and I just kept feeling stuck.
Finally I was out in the garden talking with my mom about how I wanted to do something creative, with my hands and my eyes, something that mattered. When I was talking about it, I got so passionate, something I didn't know was inside me broke free and I felt like I was on the verge of tears. I knew the following Monday, I had to do it. And I did.
It was hard, but it felt so good to drive home that day knowing I could tell Marcus it had finally been done, and I felt relieved.
I'm not sure I have figured out exactly what it is that I want to do with my life, but since my last day, I've been doing a lot more photography and it feels good. It's always scary for me, because I admire such amazing photographers that I know I can't measure up to, but I also know I have to practice and gain experience to ever come close to the kind of artist I would love to be. I also know that most people can't afford the photographers that I admire, so I am available at a more affordable rate as I learn.
About two weeks ago I got a call from my brother. My sister-in-law was in labor and wanted me to come down and photograph the arrival of my new niece. It was such a peaceful and miraculous experience. It was my second time photographing a delivery and it reminded me of how awesome women are and how miracles are real and happening everyday. Those two shoots are some of the most special and favorite shoots I've ever had the pleasure of shooting.
Twelve days later, I got to take probably the most beautiful pictures I've ever taken of that new little baby A. I love her so much and surrounded by some of my favorite flowers?! What could be better?
I hope you don't mind if I occasionally share my favorites on the blog...enjoy!
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